Say it Ain’t So!
Posted by: Rocketcool in Sports, Writing, tags: injury, out for the season, Patriots, Tom Brady
Today the NFL took a major hit. Love him or hate him, Tom Brady was good for business. As a Patriots fan, I feel awful. Apart from a plane full of players crashing, losing your starting QB and last years MVP has got to be among the worst things that a team/fan can experience.
Personally I am lost. Brady hasn’t missed a game since he took over for Drew Bledsoe in 2001. He has been a rock, leading game winning drives and banging some of the hottest tail in the world. He is a personal hero of mine and the news of his injury, and the fact that he may be out for the season, has left me without direction. I am spinning with no gyroscope. I can’t eat, but have no problem drinking… in excess. In my eukaryotic cells, the pyruvate has refused to enther the mitochondrion, thus it isn’t becoming full oxyidized by my Krebs cycle (which is now only running on evaporated dreams), so respiration isn’t taking place and my cells are fucked.
The only silver lining I could come up with is that this year I won’t have to wait until February to learn that the Pat’s aren’t going to win the Super Bowl.
What the fuck? I need answers. When did I take up residence on the Htrae? The Colts lose to the Bears? The Chargers lose to the Panthers? If nobody gets stabbed at the Raider game on Monday night, I am packing up and moving to Canada, because shit will have officially become to weird for me here.
All of the above was how I felt until I viewed the following clip. It explained everything and now I get it. Everything isn’t right, but it’s as it should be — and who knows, maybe Matt Cassel is the next Tom Brady (or maybe I’m the next Tom Brady. We’re both slow, white dudes with rocket arms and charming genitals.)
Just replace “Kenny” with “Tom Brady” and you will understand. Enjoy!
(You might have to refreah the page before you can get the clip to play)
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